wrennette: yellow and brown wren birds on a bright coral field (Default)
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my hair smells of war (2494 words) by wrennette
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Characters: CC-2224 | Cody, Obi-Wan Kenobi
Additional Tags: Developing Relationship, New Beginnings: Codywan Zine, Sharing a Bed, CC-2224 | Cody Needs a Hug, CC-2224 | Cody Gets A Hug, (and more!), do not copy or repost to other sites
Summary:

Something had changed in the way the General looked at Cody. There was something more there, something new. Something as broken as Cody had felt, pinned beneath that downed LAAT/i.



Cody awakened to the familiar quiet chaos of the infirmary, knowing that the bacta had healed him perfectly. It always did, nary a scar remaining to testify to his injuries, despite that his medical records listed half-a-dozen surgeries before he was dumped in a tank to heal.

And yet.

And yet.

His bones ached. He felt unsteady on his feet. Cody had been injured before, badly. But he’d never felt quite as vulnerable as he did waking after Anaxes. And he knew he wasn't the only one with a sudden awareness of just how fragile he was.

Something had changed in the way the General looked at Cody. There was something more there, something new. Something as broken as Cody had felt, pinned beneath that downed LAAT/i.

To combat his feelings of unsteadiness, of having been underprepared, Cody threw himself into training as soon as the medics cleared him to exercise. He focused on getting his stamina back first, running and running and running the long corridors of the ship. It helped, too, with the curious little whisper in his mind that kept poking at the half-formed memory of Kenobi's form indistinctly rendered through the thick bacta fluid, shadowed save the breadth of his palm and length of his fingers pressed against the transparisteel of the tube.

Cody hadn't been particularly surprised his General had come to see him as he recovered. Kenobi did that. He cared about his men and visited the infirmary after almost every engagement instead of waiting to get the sanitized numbers of the butcher’s bill from medical. Kenobi had visited after Cody was out of the tube too, had sat at his bedside and chatted with him, had left him a datapad full of holo-novels to read while he regained his strength.

When he was feeling a little more steady on his feet and less like a single solid hit might bowl him over, Cody began sparring, terrorizing the other officers in the battalion. Given his fighting style had always been to throw himself at the enemy and hit until his opponent stopped moving, none of his subordinates were particularly grateful for his personal instruction in getting their asses whooped once he regained his rhythm. It had amused Cody a little, at least until he couldn't find a sparring partner. Even Rex had begun giving him a wide berth if Cody was wearing training gear.

With his brothers being such poor sports, Cody made use of the training droids. They were subpar in his opinion, lacking any higher-level tactical algorithms in their programming. Still, scrapping the droids was better than sitting still. Even if the fights didn’t require much strategy, Cody could batter the training droids until he wore himself out and stopped thinking of how the general’s eyes had begun to linger on him with an additional weight of consideration.

Eventually, even exhaustion couldn't quiet Cody's mind. After surviving the crash on Anaxes, Cody hadn't been able to stop thinking about what would happen after the war. The topic had been mentally off-limits for so long that he felt like any shiny could tell he was thinking about after, and every 'trooper knew that thinking about after was a good way to get dead.

All the same, Cody started cataloguing things. His favourite foods, when he could get something other than rations (crisp greens and crunchy, juicy fruits that burst with sweetness on his tongue, the sharpness and brilliance of citrus). The colours he liked best (warm colours; 212th gold and blossom pink and bright copper). The different tones in his Jedi's voice when Kenobi was tired or exasperated or utterly exhausted. The way Kenobi smiled at the sight of Cody, or any of his brothers, and the ways those smiles differed (just a bit warmer, Cody thought - hoped - when Kenobi looked at Cody).

Cody came back to himself as he popped the head off the training droid, sighing as he took in the devastation he'd wrought while his mind was elsewhere. He scrubbed his hand through his sweat-soaked curls, and all at once the aches of training too hard descended, his stomach cramping and limbs trembling, the tenderness of incipient bruises making themselves known on his shins and forearms.

Knowing better than to push himself when he was so distracted and sore, and a little ashamed at how much damage he'd done to the training equipment, Cody limped to the side of the mats and carefully sat. He stretched conscientiously, focusing on the way the ache of his muscles shifted from a warning to a gentle release. As his cramps eased away, Cody's mind began to wander, circling back to thoughts of his General; of Kenobi asking to be called Obi-Wan, at least when no one else was around; of his hand, warm and dry around Cody's as Cody drifted in and out of consciousness while he came out of sedation after his time in bacta; of the sure solidity of Kenobi when he planted himself on the battlefield and refused to be pushed back; of the thoughtless elegance of the Jedi as he danced through his 'saber forms.

The hissing of the door as it opened drew Cody once more from his thoughts, and Kenobi stood on the threshold of the training room as if summoned by Cody's imaginings. Although the Jedi's face was placid, Cody could practically feel the concern wafting off Kenobi.

"Sir," Cody greeted a bit glumly, disappointed in himself both for where his thoughts had been wandering and for the mess he'd made of the room.

"Just Obi-Wan," Kenobi said, just shy of insistent, and Cody let himself actually consider it this time. He wanted it, wanted that little acknowledgment of how close Obi-Wan had already crept to his heart even as he feared it. Acknowledging it felt like giving his feelings permission to grow, and the Jedi - Obi-Wan - was already impossibly dear to him.

"Obi-Wan," Cody finally conceded, admitting to himself that his feelings would likely deepen no matter his efforts to protect his heart, that he already treasured this man beyond reason. Obi-Wan smiled brilliantly, although it faded rapidly into a look of mild concern. "I'll make sure all this is cleaned up," Cody promised, dipping his head towards the broken droids to indicate the mess.

"I have no doubt of that, my dear," Obi-Wan said gently, and closed the distance between them. He reached out, his hand stopping just short of Cody's shoulder. Cody could feel the warmth of it, and took his courage in both hands. He shifted that last little sliver of space, pressing his shoulder up beneath Obi-Wan's palm. Obi-Wan's hand settled, heavy and comforting, pressing warmth into Cody.

"I didn't mean to worry you," Cody mumbled, and Obi-Wan squeezed his shoulder gently, briefly.

"I'm not the only one you worried," Obi-Wan said, folding down to sit at Cody's side. His hand resettled on Cody's knee.

"They shouldn't have bothered you," Cody said, not sure if he was annoyed or touched that his siblings had gone to the Jedi about Cody over-extending himself. He was fairly certain Obi-Wan would have noticed and acted even if they hadn't, but he didn't like the idea of worrying the others. It was his job to worry about them, not the other way 'round.

"Oh Cody," Obi-Wan sighed, and squeezed Cody's leg just above the knee. "Your siblings care so very much for you. They all see how hard you work to keep them safe. Is it any surprise they wish to return that care?"

Cody noticed that Obi-Wan didn't include himself, but the omission was so glaringly obvious it gave Cody hope, instead of grieving him. Even so. He'd made his choice and now - now he had to know if his observations were at all based in reality. Obi-Wan had always been considerate and compassionate, but it seemed silly, after all these years, not to acknowledge that they were trusted comrades and friends, if nothing more.

"And you?" Cody asked, carefully not looking at Obi-Wan, hoping with all he was that there was more than simple care between them. Strong fingers spasmed on Cody's thigh, tightening on the firm muscle.

"Ah," Obi-Wan breathed out. "You know I would never wish to press something unwelcome on you," he said carefully.

Cody swallowed thickly. Carefully, he gathered Obi-Wan's hand in his, unable to look away as their fingers slotted together. Obi-Wan's fingers tangled with Cody's, and Cody raised their joined hands. Glancing over and watching from the corner of his eye, Cody pressed a tentative kiss to Obi-Wan's knuckles.

"You could never be unwelcome," Cody said, the declaration hanging softly there between them like a cloud of possibility.

Obi-Wan's breath rushed out audibly. "Cody," he said, an admission and an invitation at once.

Cody turned, wincing slightly as pain flared up from his belly. Obi-Wan stilled him, pale eyes searching.

"I understand," Obi-Wan breathed, eyes gleaming with concern even as his mouth widened into a broad smile. "But I won't have you injuring yourself. Not for this, not when we've already waited so long."

Cody swallowed thickly, then nodded. Obi-Wan shifted, leaning in to tentatively press their foreheads together. They lingered, skin to skin, breathing one another in and sinking into one another for long, trembling moments. Cody shuddered, heat coiling low in his gut.

"Why don't we get you cleaned up and comfortable?" Obi-Wan offered gently, and Cody opened his eyes. Their lashes brushed together, soft as whispers, and Cody was lost in the grey-blue of Obi-Wan's irises. He'd never missed Kamino, not really, but that flat-sea shade still held a nostalgic comfort, if only because it meant the storms were on the distant horizon instead of directly overhead.

"Yeah, okay," Cody agreed.

Obi-Wan rose first and easily hauled Cody up after him. A soft groan escaped Cody, and a moment later he was swept up in Obi-Wan's arms like an invalid. He wanted to protest, he was more than recovered enough to walk, but he couldn't find the words to refuse when it seemed as if all the blood in his body was heating his cheeks. Obi-Wan smiled at him, more than a touch of smugness in the expression, and carried Cody up to his quarters.

Cody was enough out of it that he couldn't be sure if Obi-Wan had somehow cleared the corridors between the training rooms and officer's berthing, or if the chrono had wound 'round late enough in the ship's-night that no one was abroad in the halls. Either way, they didn't see anyone on their way up to Obi-Wan's cabin.

The inside was as neatly ascetic as the last time Cody had been there, probably not more than a day ago, to gather Obi-Wan up for a meeting. Cody hadn't spent much time there; Obi-Wan was allotted a separate office and tried to keep his work there in an admirable attempt at keeping his duties away from his off-the-clock spaces. As gently as Obi-Wan had picked Cody up, as carefully as he'd borne Cody through the halls, Obi-Wan set Cody down on the bunk. He crouched, peering up at Cody.

"Let me take care of you," Obi-Wan said, halfway between a request and a command. Cody nodded. Obi-Wan began to gently pull at the waistband of Cody's blacks. A protest welled up in Cody, and lodged in his throat. He gasped around it, fear blooming sharp and ragged. "Cody?" Obi-Wan asked, hands stilling.

Cody swallowed thickly, trying to dislodge the knot in his esophagus and the hollow in his gut. Obi-Wan retreated slightly, settling back on his heels and waiting out Cody's bout of panic. Cody swallowed again, throat clicking audibly.

"I want this," Cody said, soft but firm. It was as much self-reassurance as confirmation for Obi-Wan. "I just - I only - I only just realized I wanted this, and how much I want it, and I - I'm afraid."

"It is a little scary," Obi-Wan said. He reached out again, squeezing Cody's knee. It went unsaid that caring about someone made it so very easy for them to do harm, even if that hurt was unintentional, and Cody's life already held more than a fair share of pain.

Cody nodded. "Everything is changing," he said, voice barely more than a whisper. He'd never had much control of anything but his mind. Even his body, his reactions, were analyzed and critiqued while he was in training. He knew Obi-Wan wouldn't judge him as the Kaminoans had, but vulnerability still felt dangerous.

"Things do," Obi-Wan agreed. "This is something new. But it doesn't have to happen all at once. I never want to hurt you, physically or emotionally or in any other way." The corner of his mouth quirked up. "Why don't I let you get comfortable, and I'll get myself ready for bed, then help you with the rest, if you like."

Again Cody nodded, feeling a bit embarrassed but mostly relieved. Obi-Wan rose from between Cody's feet and padded off to the attached 'fresher. Cody heard the water running in the sink, and pulled off the abbreviated armour he'd been wearing, just vambraces and greaves, then shucked out of his blacks, so he sat on the edge of the bunk in just his briefs.

When Obi-Wan came back out of the 'fresher, he was in just briefs as well, and had the medkit in his hand. He paused, sweeping Cody with an appraising gaze.

"Let me look you over?" Obi-Wan suggested. Cody nodded, cheeks feeling too warm. Obi-Wan's hands were just a little cool against Cody's skin, slightly damp. He pressed gently at the places where Cody had needed surgery, and smoothed cool bacta over the rising bruises from Cody's perhaps overenthusiastic sparring session. "Better?" Obi-Wan asked, and Cody hummed, blinking back to full consciousness and realizing he'd slumped over, his weight resting on Obi-Wan's broad shoulders.

"Much better," Cody agreed. Feeling very daring, he twisted his head to press his face into the hollow of Obi-Wan's throat. He breathed in the soft scent of the soap Obi-Wan got from the Temple's supplies and the faintly herbal odour of his shampoo. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome, my dear," Obi-Wan said. Soft lips brushed warm and dry along Cody's hairline, and Cody relaxed. He let himself be borne the rest of the way down to the bed, and then Obi-Wan was between him and the world, blue eyes almost glowing in the dim light. "Rest well," Obi-Wan urged gently. "Everything else, we can sort in the morning."

While Cody had never been one for putting off for later what he could finish in the moment, he could accept Obi-Wan's wisdom in this. He pulled Obi-Wan down with him, and they carefully arranged themselves together in the narrow bunk. Obi-Wan pressed another kiss, feather soft, to Cody's temple, and Cody turned slightly to press a tender smile to Obi-Wan's shoulder. Finally, Cody was able to rest.

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