Merlin; Arthur/Merlin
2 November 2008 09:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wrennetteTitle: King and Country: Lord and Protector
Fandom: Merlin BBC
Pairing: Arthur x Merlin
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Merlin returns to Camelot, and his duties
Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC. The author intends no copyright infringement and makes no profit.
Notes: Sequel to King and Country: For His Lady's Sake, (link is to version on my f'locked journal, but K&C is on the comms as well) but having read "King and Country" isn't really necessary, though the beginning will make a bit more sense if you have.
Gaius looked up as Gwen hurried in, her face flushed and worried.
"Gwen?" He asked, reaching for his case of remedies.
"My friend," she panted out. "Just came in from the country, with her sister's child. She cannot keep it, Gaius. Cannot feed it or care for it. Do you know anyone?" He felt his eyes widen and jaw drop in understanding. Gwen gave a single nod of confirmation.
"I know of a few wet-nurses at the least," he said, carefully perpetrating the charade. "Can she bring the child here?" Gwen grinned broadly and nodded again, then hurried away.
A few minutes later, Gwen returned with her 'friend'. Gaius knew it was Merlin, but he had seen little of his apprentice since the boy had taken on his role as Morgana's double, and it was still a bit of a shock. His hair was caught back in a tail, dark streamers trailing loose nearly to his shoulders. He wore a dress that was obviously Gwen's, but not Morgana's livery. There were aspects of course, that made the altogether look not quite right. Merlin's shoulders were too broad, his chest too flat, but unless one really looked, especially with the tender way he carried the child, it was hard to tell that this was a young man, not a young woman.
"This is Melanie," Gwen said. "And her sister's child". Merlin grinned mischievously at him, bobbing a pretty little curtsey.
"She passed in childbirth," Merlin said, voice pitched high, and Gaius nodded, holding out his hands.
"May I see the child?" He asked, and Merlin nodded.
"She called her Maeve," Merlin said, and Gaius nodded.
"I'll find a nurse for her," Gaius promised. "And a good home". Merlin nodded, then reached out, trailing his fingers across the infant's brow gently, a tender smile lighting his face.
"Thank you," Merlin said huskily, then quickly hugged Gaius before turning and hurrying quickly away. Gaius swallowed thickly, cradling the sleeping child.
A few hours later, after Gaius had turned Maeve over to a midwife, Gwen returned, again with Merlin, but this time his apprentice was dressed in his own clothes. Wearing breeches and tunic, Gaius could see just how slender Merlin had become. Everything about the young man seemed more delicate. Part of it, Gaius was certain, had to do with the rather effeminate mannerisms that Merlin affected. They were habit now, ingrained after months of living as a woman, but that did not make seeing them any less strange.
"I missed you Gaius," Merlin said, that same husky tone he had used to bid farewell to Morgana's child.
"I missed you too, son," Gaius said, and his own voice was thicker than he would have liked. They embraced tightly, and Gaius led Merlin into the light of the hearth, getting a proper look at him. As he had at first noticed, Merlin was quite thin, his skin ivory pale. His raven locks were caught back from his face in a tail, a few stray hairs falling into his eyes and clinging to his long neck.
"You look well, considering," Gaius said, and Merlin gave a soft, inelegant snort of amusement.
"I look like a girl," the warlock said self-deprecatingly, and Gaius just shrugged.
"They chose you for the task for a reason," Gaius reminded his apprentice, and Merlin sighed, resting his sharp elbows on the rough hewn table.
"You mean it wasn't just an elaborate set up to make life difficult?" Merlin snarked, and Gaius fought the urge to roll his eyes.
"Arthur has asked me to resume my duties," Merlin said after a while. Gaius looked up from his work in surprise.
"You've seen Arthur already?" He asked, and it was Merlin's turn to be surprised.
"He came with us," Merlin said. "You didn't know? He rode after the carriage when we first left, and when he could not catch us that day, he came the next week, arrived the day Maeve was born. He's been with us ever since." Gaius frowned in thought.
"No," he finally said. "I had noticed he was not about as much as usual, but it was not mentioned where he had gone. Uther permitted this?" Merlin shrugged eloquently in response. He neither knew nor cared to find out. "He knows the child is the Lady Morgana's?" Gaius asked, and Merlin nodded.
"And that I was standing in the Lady's place these past few months," he clarified, and Gaius' eyebrows crept up his forehead.
"He is aware it was you he was wooing these past few months, and he still wishes you to serve him?" Gaius asked in amazement, and Merlin blushed crimson.
"Yes," he said, voice soft and breathless. Gaius understood what went unsaid, drawing his breath sharply in.
"Merlin," he said warningly, and Merlin looked up sharply, eyes momentarily flashing golden with anger.
"I know," Merlin said, and the pain in his voice carried that he knew everything. Knew that while being a warlock might earn him the headsman, sodomy would result in a far more painful death, and sodomy with the crown prince would result in pain unimaginable.
"And you will serve him as he has requested?" Gaius asked, and Merlin's blush managed to grow hotter yet. Merlin looked up at him, the flush slowly draining from his face, and Gaius was suddenly struck by how very vulnerable his apprentice was, and yet how damnably mule-headed. Merlin could be so confident it was easy to forget he was still a very young man, and one who had led a fairly sheltered life.
"It is my destiny to stand at his side," Merlin said softly. "And if this is the only way I will be permitted to do so, then yes, I will serve him as he has requested. He is my King." Gaius could hear the possessiveness in Merlin's voice, and also the vulnerability and care. Taking a deep breath, Gaius closed his eyes for what he knew would be a difficult question.
"Do you serve him for destiny alone?" He asked, and Merlin dipped his head at the question, like someone facing into a storm, eyes down, mouth turned up just slightly at the corners.
"I serve because I wish to," Merlin said, and he said it freely, no hesitation at all in his voice, tone even and sure. Gaius let out a slow breath of air, nodding in acceptance.
"You must accept that he has certain duties as King," Gaius reminded Merlin after another long silence. Merlin nodded, head still bowed.
"I know," he said softly. "I understand that one day he must marry, and he must bring his wife to his bed and get an heir on her. I understand that he may not yet know his own heart, and that even if he does, his heart is not his pilot." Gaius nodded, hating the soft resignation in Merlin's voice, but glad his apprentice understood.
"I go to him tomorrow," Merlin said. "He - has asked me to assume the position of his official valet, and occupy the room attached to his quarters". Gaius bit his lip to keep from reminding Merlin of what he already knew, of how very dangerous this would be.
"And your training?" Gaius asked, and Merlin looked up then, smiling gently.
"I will have a few hours everyday when I am at your disposal. And if there is any true emergency, I am certain that I will be permitted to assist you." Gaius nodded, not as certain but not wanting to worry over it at the moment.
In the morning, Merlin dressed in his old clothes, picking his way through the wan pre-dawn light to the castle proper. Despite that he had not been to Arthur's quarters in months, his feet remembered the way. Slipping into the prince's rooms, he glanced at the bed. Finding the drapes closed, he set about stoking the hearth and tidying up the room. Arthur had complained repeatedly since he left that his servants were sub-par, and either no servant had come recently, or they really were as bad as Arthur made them out to be. When he had the room tidy, he opened Arthur's wardrobe and set out clothing, glancing back at the bed. Arthur slumbered on as Merlin carefully brushed his boots, then slipped away again to order the mornings first meal from the kitchens.
Arthur woke slowly, golden limbs shifting against white sheets. Pushing himself to sitting, he cast about with his eyes, then slowly smiled as he caught sight of Merlin. His manservant was curled into one corner of the window, perched precariously on the sill, long legs folded up underneath himself. Over the past few months, while Merlin had been impersonating Morgana, Arthur had seen him in this position a hundred times, sharp chin resting on sharp knees, slate blue eyes cast out over the distant horizon.
"Merlin?" He asked softly, suddenly uncertain, and for a long moment, Merlin did not move. Slowly though, Merlin's head swiveled on his elegant neck, and he blinked slowly, as if he were the one newly awakened.
"Sorry," Merlin said softly, "I'm so used to - I get caught up sometimes, just listening to the wind". Arthur nodded confusedly, not really sure what Merlin was talking about but not really caring so long as Merlin was there. Merlin smiled gently, standing quickly and gathering the clothes he had laid out earlier. "Your breakfast is on the table in the outer room, Sire" he said, long fingers deftly opening the ties of Arthur's nightshirt. Arthur nodded, still not quite processing on all cylinders. Merlin's hands moved with swift efficiency over him, pulling his nightshirt off and his blouse on, urging him into hose and tunic and boots.
Almost before Arthur realized it, he was dressed and sitting at the table, Merlin pouring him steaming hot cider from the kettle and stealing a tart slice of apple from his plate. The world shifted slowly and unmade itself, and Arthur hazily imagined them in some distant unnamed land, dressed simply, living as man and wife. He would hunt, and Merlin would cook and sew, and the rest of the world would spin itself to dust around them. A slow smile worked its way onto Arthur's face, and he ate his breakfast happily, imagining a world where he had no duties except to Merlin.
"They rang Terce just before you rose," Merlin's voice interrupted, dissipating the fantasy. Arthur nodded, the duties of the real world settling back down over him like a mantle.
"I will do administrative duties this morning," he decided. "And go to the lists after Sext". Merlin nodded, taking away the dishes swiftly. Arthur watched him go, watched the gentle sway of his slender hips and short, gliding steps. The servant returned shortly, having exchanged the dishes for the folio of papers Arthur needed to look over. Merlin perched lightly on the other side of the table, eyes darting over the top sheet before casting it aside.
"Are you reading my correspondence?" Arthur asked amusedly, and Merlin looked up quickly, cheeks spotting with color.
"I'm sorry Sire," he said hurriedly, surprise roughening his voice. "I assumed too much". Arthur bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.
"Is this how Morgana's duties are done?" Arthur asked curiously, and Merlin nodded.
"I read through her letters, then read those that were of import out loud, and took down her replies. Gwen did it before me, and I imagine will have resumed the duty. I've never actually seen you do administrative work before." Arthur grinned then.
"I usually did it at night," he replied, "after I had sent you back to Gaius." Merlin didn't respond, just waited, still and quiet. And this, Arthur was certain was the reason he had never suspected the subterfuge.
The Merlin of his memories was constant motion, constant noise, never still, never quiet. Merlin was the rushing tide, back and forth, sparkling and vibrant. Morgana however, gave the impression of great, still depths. She was the black pool, cool and calm, untold mysteries lurking beneath the surface. Although in coloring they were similar, they were quite different in personality. The fact that Merlin had been able to so accurately impersonate Morgana, and for so long, without anyone the wiser, spoke to a great deal of skill. What sort of skill Arthur didn't much like contemplating. So instead he shifted in his chair and listened to Merlin's husky tenor as he read through the first report.
Very quickly Arthur decided that this really was a much better method of performing administrative duties. Not only did he not cramp his own hand and spot his own fingers writing, nor have to re-write his near illegible script repeatedly, he also had the pleasure of listening to Merlin speak. He had missed the sound of his servant's voice, and since he had arrived at Tintagel and learned the truth, Merlin had been quite subdued. The nattering he had become accustomed to was missing, and he didn't quite know what to make of it. There had been a time when Arthur would have stated quite openly that he thought Merlin probably ought to be muzzled. Now though, he was thinking of all sorts of excuses to entice the raven haired man to speak.
Slowly things settled back to normal. The secret of Morgana's pregnancy was well kept, the child never spoken of. Arthur didn't even know who the father of the infant was, and when asked, Merlin would not speak. Arthur was unsure if his servant knew and had been sworn to secrecy, suspected and kept quiet out of respect, or was as clueless as himself. Occasionally Morgana would turn to him, a question in her pale eyes, but she never could bring herself to ask Arthur if he truly loved her, or if he had merely been besotted with the female version of Merlin that had taken her place for those long months of her enclosure.
If Morgana had asked that question, Arthur would not have known how to answer. Morgana was the closest he had to a sister, and for most of their lives he had treated her as such. But even before the long charade, he had occasionally looked upon her as a woman, rather than as a sister. Those feelings had come to fullness however, when it had been Merlin's personality animating Morgana's smiles, Merlin's firm body and wide mouth conveying Morgana's favour. He could not, for some weeks after their return from Tintagel, honestly say if it were Merlin or Morgana he loved. The more time he spent with both of them though, the more he was convinced. It had taken the duplicity of the female accoutrements for Arthur to notice, but it was the mind, heart, and soul of Merlin that matched his own in every way.
"I have a favor to ask," Arthur said one night as Merlin knelt between his feet, nimble fingers working the laces of his riding boots open. Merlin looked up expectantly, and although it was definitely Merlin now, Arthur could still see little traces of femininity in the slender young man. "You may refuse me if you so wish," Arthur continued, voice thickening. Merlin waited, and Arthur reached down to run the pad of his thumb along the curve of Merlin's cheek.
"Sire," Merlin said huskily, eyes half lidded, and burning black and gold, and Arthur felt that same electricity as he had felt when he had pulled 'Morgana' into his arms, that same thrill as when he had kissed Merlin at Tintagel. The words of his question fled his mind, and he pulled Merlin up onto his lap, kissing the servant roughly. Merlin whimpered softly, melting into the kiss, opening to him without hesitation. Panting softly, Merlin rested his head on Arthur's shoulder when the parted. "Was that the favor?" He asked breathily, and Arthur chuckled softly in amusement.
"No," Arthur said thickly, fingers still tracing along Merlin's face, memorizing the soft skin there. "I can't remember what it was," he confessed. "Doesn't matter in any case." Merlin smiled, then leaned up and initiated another kiss, this one slow and sweet, and promising so much more. "Are you sure?" Arthur asked gently, still running his fingers over Merlin's cheek, and the servant smiled, lowering his lashes coyly.
"Arthur, part of the reason I ran so fast from you was because I wanted you so badly," he said softly, not meeting the Prince's eyes. "And I knew that you and Morgana would not be permitted to be together, even if I really was Morgana. And I knew - Arthur," Merlin stopped, unable to put into words all that could have gone wrong in that scenario. Arthur smiled sadly, understanding.
"I have you now though," Arthur said, cupping Merlin's face more firmly in his hand, urging the other man to meet his eyes. Merlin blinked up at him, pupils dilating rapidly, until his eyes were completely black.
"Any way you want me," Merlin said breathlessly, willfully reiterating his words from Tintagel. Arthur smiled ferally, crushing Merlin to his chest as he stood, kissing his servant deeply. Merlin clung to him, hands fisting in Arthur's shirt, one leg hooked around Arthur's hips. It was slightly awkward getting to the bed, but Arthur managed it quickly, throwing aside his heavy coverlet and blankets to lay Merlin on his white sheets. He tore Merlin's clothes from his unresisting body, and finally saw with his eyes what he had imagined in his mind so many times.
Merlin was as pale and beautiful as Arthur had imagined. He dark hair had come loose from its tie, and fanned around his head like the halo of a Byzantine ikon. Long slender limbs sprawled across the sheets, a light flush coloring his upper chest and shoulders. Arthur just looked for a long moment, memorizing the way the fire cast golden light and dancing shadows over the sharp planes of Merlin's form.
"Beautiful," Arthur breathed unconsciously, and Merlin's blush deepened, but he didn't move, didn't speak, just lay there under Arthur's eyes. Arthur grinned, baring his teeth, then finished undressing. He was certain he tore a few ties and closures in the process, he wasn't half so careful or deft as Merlin would have been, but he could have the clothing mended. Other things were more important at the moment.
"I told you at Tintagel I would marry you," he breathed, kneeling between Merlin's spread legs. Merlin shuddered gently, but nodded, eyes still blown with lust. He pulled the silver ring from his forefinger, holding it between them. The light glinted of the little circle of metal, and he saw Merlin take a deep, shocked breath. Merlin shifted on the bed, knelt up to face him, the blue slowly working back into his eyes. Suddenly, Merlin grinned, then twisted and jerked free one of the cords used to hold back the drapes on the bed. Merlin held out his right hand, palm up, the cord ready in his left. Arthur grinned back in understanding. They might not have a priest or any sort of proper ceremony, but they could still do this.
"You come here tonight of your own free will?" Merlin asked huskily, and Arthur grasped Merlin's forearm gently.
"I come here of my own desire, in perfect love and perfect trust," Arthur replied. "To bind and make fast my soul with the one I love in the eyes of the Lord." Awkwardly they wound the cord around their joined forearms.
"In perfect love and perfect trust, I bind and make fast my soul to the one I love in the eyes of the Lord," Merlin echoed, looking deep into Arthur's eyes. "There will be trails and sadness," Merlin continued. "And I will stand through them with you, and we shall bear them together." Arthur smiled.
"There will be joys and gladness," Arthur said. "And I will stand at your side that they shall be doubled," he said.
"Arthur," Merlin said breathlessly. "I take you to be my husband, my Lord and protector, partner and cherished friend, unto the end of time." Arthur felt his own breath hitch in his throat, because he had not quite expected Merlin to word his vow so explicitly.
"Merlin," Arthur replied gently. "I take you as my husband, my companion and guide, lover and honored partner, unto the end of time." Merlin smiled at him, crossing the ends of the cord over their wrists.
"With this cord," he said roughly, and Arthur's voice joined his.
"I join these two in the eyes of the Lord, that their lives and souls may be joined together unto the end of time, in perfect love and perfect trust." Again Arthur held up the ring, and this time, Merlin offered his left hand. The circle of metal, warm from being clasped in Arthur's palm, slid easily down his delicate fourth finger to rest loosely against his knuckle. It was too large, but neither of them was overly concerned with that at the moment. Merlin smiled gently up at Arthur through his lashes, and Arthur jerked their joined hands toward himself, catching Merlin deftly and ravishing his mouth.
"Does this mean now I get to invoke my rights as your husband?" Arthur panted when they parted, and he had Merlin pinned to the bed with his left hand, their right hands still bound and trapped between them. Merlin smiled, a smug, secretive expression, and his eyes were already black with want, legs splayed, cock smearing pre-come across his flat stomach. Arthur leaned back down, attempted to kiss the smug expression off of Merlin, but it didn't really work, just made the bastard more smug, so Arthur remedied that by grinding their hips together, and that made Merlin arch up and bare his elegant throat, moan thickly with desire. Arthur groaned as well, fumbling with his left hand for the oil lamp beside the bed. He snuffed out the flame between his fingers, then cast the wick on the floor, sticking his fingers into the belly of the lamp to slick them.
Merlin whimpered softly as Arthur eased a finger into him, but didn't complain and didn't resist, just shifted a few times to try and get comfortable. Arthur slowly opened Merlin up, taking his time, searching for that secret spot. When he found it, Merlin gasped sharply, melting under him with a low moan of pleasure. He stroked into Merlin with his fingers a few more times, watching his face. Arthur was certain he had never seen anything so beautiful as Merlin's face contorted with pleasure, eyes screwed shut, mouth open wide, gasping, a sheet of sweat shimmering over his pale skin, making him seem to glow in the firelight.
"Please," Merlin said softly, and Arthur nodded, dipping his fingers once more into the extinguished lamp, using the warm oil to slick his erection. Slowly Arthur eased into Merlin, still watching the other man's expressive face. Merlin tensed slightly at the first burn of penetration, but with an expression of concentration, slowly relaxed. Arthur groaned softly, Merlin's tight passage giving way inch by inch, until he was seated to the hilt.
"I will always be with you Arthur," Merlin breathed against his neck. "I will be your rock, your anchor, your sanctuary. I am yours Arthur, in any and every possible way." Arthur groaned again, kissing Merlin's pulse point, not sure what to say to such a declaration. Since he had no words, he responded with actions. He kissed Merlin deeply, rolling his hips and making Merlin whimper wordlessly with desire. Satisfied with that as a start, Arthur began to thrust more insistently, and soon neither of them could even contemplate words.
There was no warning before Merlin came. It was as if the orgasm took him by surprise, as well as Arthur. One moment Arthur was rutting into his new lover, the next Merlin was arching up with a startled gasp, throat bared, eyes rolling up into his head, thick cum splattering in ropes across both their chests. Merlin's already tight body clenched down even further, and Arthur swore loudly, snapping his hips up into Merlin, burying himself as deeply as he could go before he came as well. He held Merlin to his chest even after orgasm passed, breath coming in great heaving gasps.
"I love you," Merlin murmured against his ear, and Arthur shuddered, trying to clutch Merlin closer yet, crawl into his skin with him.
"And I you," Arthur settled for saying, and Merlin smiled, and they curled together and slept.
Fandom: Merlin BBC
Pairing: Arthur x Merlin
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Merlin returns to Camelot, and his duties
Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC. The author intends no copyright infringement and makes no profit.
Notes: Sequel to King and Country: For His Lady's Sake, (link is to version on my f'locked journal, but K&C is on the comms as well) but having read "King and Country" isn't really necessary, though the beginning will make a bit more sense if you have.
Gaius looked up as Gwen hurried in, her face flushed and worried.
"Gwen?" He asked, reaching for his case of remedies.
"My friend," she panted out. "Just came in from the country, with her sister's child. She cannot keep it, Gaius. Cannot feed it or care for it. Do you know anyone?" He felt his eyes widen and jaw drop in understanding. Gwen gave a single nod of confirmation.
"I know of a few wet-nurses at the least," he said, carefully perpetrating the charade. "Can she bring the child here?" Gwen grinned broadly and nodded again, then hurried away.
A few minutes later, Gwen returned with her 'friend'. Gaius knew it was Merlin, but he had seen little of his apprentice since the boy had taken on his role as Morgana's double, and it was still a bit of a shock. His hair was caught back in a tail, dark streamers trailing loose nearly to his shoulders. He wore a dress that was obviously Gwen's, but not Morgana's livery. There were aspects of course, that made the altogether look not quite right. Merlin's shoulders were too broad, his chest too flat, but unless one really looked, especially with the tender way he carried the child, it was hard to tell that this was a young man, not a young woman.
"This is Melanie," Gwen said. "And her sister's child". Merlin grinned mischievously at him, bobbing a pretty little curtsey.
"She passed in childbirth," Merlin said, voice pitched high, and Gaius nodded, holding out his hands.
"May I see the child?" He asked, and Merlin nodded.
"She called her Maeve," Merlin said, and Gaius nodded.
"I'll find a nurse for her," Gaius promised. "And a good home". Merlin nodded, then reached out, trailing his fingers across the infant's brow gently, a tender smile lighting his face.
"Thank you," Merlin said huskily, then quickly hugged Gaius before turning and hurrying quickly away. Gaius swallowed thickly, cradling the sleeping child.
A few hours later, after Gaius had turned Maeve over to a midwife, Gwen returned, again with Merlin, but this time his apprentice was dressed in his own clothes. Wearing breeches and tunic, Gaius could see just how slender Merlin had become. Everything about the young man seemed more delicate. Part of it, Gaius was certain, had to do with the rather effeminate mannerisms that Merlin affected. They were habit now, ingrained after months of living as a woman, but that did not make seeing them any less strange.
"I missed you Gaius," Merlin said, that same husky tone he had used to bid farewell to Morgana's child.
"I missed you too, son," Gaius said, and his own voice was thicker than he would have liked. They embraced tightly, and Gaius led Merlin into the light of the hearth, getting a proper look at him. As he had at first noticed, Merlin was quite thin, his skin ivory pale. His raven locks were caught back from his face in a tail, a few stray hairs falling into his eyes and clinging to his long neck.
"You look well, considering," Gaius said, and Merlin gave a soft, inelegant snort of amusement.
"I look like a girl," the warlock said self-deprecatingly, and Gaius just shrugged.
"They chose you for the task for a reason," Gaius reminded his apprentice, and Merlin sighed, resting his sharp elbows on the rough hewn table.
"You mean it wasn't just an elaborate set up to make life difficult?" Merlin snarked, and Gaius fought the urge to roll his eyes.
"Arthur has asked me to resume my duties," Merlin said after a while. Gaius looked up from his work in surprise.
"You've seen Arthur already?" He asked, and it was Merlin's turn to be surprised.
"He came with us," Merlin said. "You didn't know? He rode after the carriage when we first left, and when he could not catch us that day, he came the next week, arrived the day Maeve was born. He's been with us ever since." Gaius frowned in thought.
"No," he finally said. "I had noticed he was not about as much as usual, but it was not mentioned where he had gone. Uther permitted this?" Merlin shrugged eloquently in response. He neither knew nor cared to find out. "He knows the child is the Lady Morgana's?" Gaius asked, and Merlin nodded.
"And that I was standing in the Lady's place these past few months," he clarified, and Gaius' eyebrows crept up his forehead.
"He is aware it was you he was wooing these past few months, and he still wishes you to serve him?" Gaius asked in amazement, and Merlin blushed crimson.
"Yes," he said, voice soft and breathless. Gaius understood what went unsaid, drawing his breath sharply in.
"Merlin," he said warningly, and Merlin looked up sharply, eyes momentarily flashing golden with anger.
"I know," Merlin said, and the pain in his voice carried that he knew everything. Knew that while being a warlock might earn him the headsman, sodomy would result in a far more painful death, and sodomy with the crown prince would result in pain unimaginable.
"And you will serve him as he has requested?" Gaius asked, and Merlin's blush managed to grow hotter yet. Merlin looked up at him, the flush slowly draining from his face, and Gaius was suddenly struck by how very vulnerable his apprentice was, and yet how damnably mule-headed. Merlin could be so confident it was easy to forget he was still a very young man, and one who had led a fairly sheltered life.
"It is my destiny to stand at his side," Merlin said softly. "And if this is the only way I will be permitted to do so, then yes, I will serve him as he has requested. He is my King." Gaius could hear the possessiveness in Merlin's voice, and also the vulnerability and care. Taking a deep breath, Gaius closed his eyes for what he knew would be a difficult question.
"Do you serve him for destiny alone?" He asked, and Merlin dipped his head at the question, like someone facing into a storm, eyes down, mouth turned up just slightly at the corners.
"I serve because I wish to," Merlin said, and he said it freely, no hesitation at all in his voice, tone even and sure. Gaius let out a slow breath of air, nodding in acceptance.
"You must accept that he has certain duties as King," Gaius reminded Merlin after another long silence. Merlin nodded, head still bowed.
"I know," he said softly. "I understand that one day he must marry, and he must bring his wife to his bed and get an heir on her. I understand that he may not yet know his own heart, and that even if he does, his heart is not his pilot." Gaius nodded, hating the soft resignation in Merlin's voice, but glad his apprentice understood.
"I go to him tomorrow," Merlin said. "He - has asked me to assume the position of his official valet, and occupy the room attached to his quarters". Gaius bit his lip to keep from reminding Merlin of what he already knew, of how very dangerous this would be.
"And your training?" Gaius asked, and Merlin looked up then, smiling gently.
"I will have a few hours everyday when I am at your disposal. And if there is any true emergency, I am certain that I will be permitted to assist you." Gaius nodded, not as certain but not wanting to worry over it at the moment.
In the morning, Merlin dressed in his old clothes, picking his way through the wan pre-dawn light to the castle proper. Despite that he had not been to Arthur's quarters in months, his feet remembered the way. Slipping into the prince's rooms, he glanced at the bed. Finding the drapes closed, he set about stoking the hearth and tidying up the room. Arthur had complained repeatedly since he left that his servants were sub-par, and either no servant had come recently, or they really were as bad as Arthur made them out to be. When he had the room tidy, he opened Arthur's wardrobe and set out clothing, glancing back at the bed. Arthur slumbered on as Merlin carefully brushed his boots, then slipped away again to order the mornings first meal from the kitchens.
Arthur woke slowly, golden limbs shifting against white sheets. Pushing himself to sitting, he cast about with his eyes, then slowly smiled as he caught sight of Merlin. His manservant was curled into one corner of the window, perched precariously on the sill, long legs folded up underneath himself. Over the past few months, while Merlin had been impersonating Morgana, Arthur had seen him in this position a hundred times, sharp chin resting on sharp knees, slate blue eyes cast out over the distant horizon.
"Merlin?" He asked softly, suddenly uncertain, and for a long moment, Merlin did not move. Slowly though, Merlin's head swiveled on his elegant neck, and he blinked slowly, as if he were the one newly awakened.
"Sorry," Merlin said softly, "I'm so used to - I get caught up sometimes, just listening to the wind". Arthur nodded confusedly, not really sure what Merlin was talking about but not really caring so long as Merlin was there. Merlin smiled gently, standing quickly and gathering the clothes he had laid out earlier. "Your breakfast is on the table in the outer room, Sire" he said, long fingers deftly opening the ties of Arthur's nightshirt. Arthur nodded, still not quite processing on all cylinders. Merlin's hands moved with swift efficiency over him, pulling his nightshirt off and his blouse on, urging him into hose and tunic and boots.
Almost before Arthur realized it, he was dressed and sitting at the table, Merlin pouring him steaming hot cider from the kettle and stealing a tart slice of apple from his plate. The world shifted slowly and unmade itself, and Arthur hazily imagined them in some distant unnamed land, dressed simply, living as man and wife. He would hunt, and Merlin would cook and sew, and the rest of the world would spin itself to dust around them. A slow smile worked its way onto Arthur's face, and he ate his breakfast happily, imagining a world where he had no duties except to Merlin.
"They rang Terce just before you rose," Merlin's voice interrupted, dissipating the fantasy. Arthur nodded, the duties of the real world settling back down over him like a mantle.
"I will do administrative duties this morning," he decided. "And go to the lists after Sext". Merlin nodded, taking away the dishes swiftly. Arthur watched him go, watched the gentle sway of his slender hips and short, gliding steps. The servant returned shortly, having exchanged the dishes for the folio of papers Arthur needed to look over. Merlin perched lightly on the other side of the table, eyes darting over the top sheet before casting it aside.
"Are you reading my correspondence?" Arthur asked amusedly, and Merlin looked up quickly, cheeks spotting with color.
"I'm sorry Sire," he said hurriedly, surprise roughening his voice. "I assumed too much". Arthur bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.
"Is this how Morgana's duties are done?" Arthur asked curiously, and Merlin nodded.
"I read through her letters, then read those that were of import out loud, and took down her replies. Gwen did it before me, and I imagine will have resumed the duty. I've never actually seen you do administrative work before." Arthur grinned then.
"I usually did it at night," he replied, "after I had sent you back to Gaius." Merlin didn't respond, just waited, still and quiet. And this, Arthur was certain was the reason he had never suspected the subterfuge.
The Merlin of his memories was constant motion, constant noise, never still, never quiet. Merlin was the rushing tide, back and forth, sparkling and vibrant. Morgana however, gave the impression of great, still depths. She was the black pool, cool and calm, untold mysteries lurking beneath the surface. Although in coloring they were similar, they were quite different in personality. The fact that Merlin had been able to so accurately impersonate Morgana, and for so long, without anyone the wiser, spoke to a great deal of skill. What sort of skill Arthur didn't much like contemplating. So instead he shifted in his chair and listened to Merlin's husky tenor as he read through the first report.
Very quickly Arthur decided that this really was a much better method of performing administrative duties. Not only did he not cramp his own hand and spot his own fingers writing, nor have to re-write his near illegible script repeatedly, he also had the pleasure of listening to Merlin speak. He had missed the sound of his servant's voice, and since he had arrived at Tintagel and learned the truth, Merlin had been quite subdued. The nattering he had become accustomed to was missing, and he didn't quite know what to make of it. There had been a time when Arthur would have stated quite openly that he thought Merlin probably ought to be muzzled. Now though, he was thinking of all sorts of excuses to entice the raven haired man to speak.
Slowly things settled back to normal. The secret of Morgana's pregnancy was well kept, the child never spoken of. Arthur didn't even know who the father of the infant was, and when asked, Merlin would not speak. Arthur was unsure if his servant knew and had been sworn to secrecy, suspected and kept quiet out of respect, or was as clueless as himself. Occasionally Morgana would turn to him, a question in her pale eyes, but she never could bring herself to ask Arthur if he truly loved her, or if he had merely been besotted with the female version of Merlin that had taken her place for those long months of her enclosure.
If Morgana had asked that question, Arthur would not have known how to answer. Morgana was the closest he had to a sister, and for most of their lives he had treated her as such. But even before the long charade, he had occasionally looked upon her as a woman, rather than as a sister. Those feelings had come to fullness however, when it had been Merlin's personality animating Morgana's smiles, Merlin's firm body and wide mouth conveying Morgana's favour. He could not, for some weeks after their return from Tintagel, honestly say if it were Merlin or Morgana he loved. The more time he spent with both of them though, the more he was convinced. It had taken the duplicity of the female accoutrements for Arthur to notice, but it was the mind, heart, and soul of Merlin that matched his own in every way.
"I have a favor to ask," Arthur said one night as Merlin knelt between his feet, nimble fingers working the laces of his riding boots open. Merlin looked up expectantly, and although it was definitely Merlin now, Arthur could still see little traces of femininity in the slender young man. "You may refuse me if you so wish," Arthur continued, voice thickening. Merlin waited, and Arthur reached down to run the pad of his thumb along the curve of Merlin's cheek.
"Sire," Merlin said huskily, eyes half lidded, and burning black and gold, and Arthur felt that same electricity as he had felt when he had pulled 'Morgana' into his arms, that same thrill as when he had kissed Merlin at Tintagel. The words of his question fled his mind, and he pulled Merlin up onto his lap, kissing the servant roughly. Merlin whimpered softly, melting into the kiss, opening to him without hesitation. Panting softly, Merlin rested his head on Arthur's shoulder when the parted. "Was that the favor?" He asked breathily, and Arthur chuckled softly in amusement.
"No," Arthur said thickly, fingers still tracing along Merlin's face, memorizing the soft skin there. "I can't remember what it was," he confessed. "Doesn't matter in any case." Merlin smiled, then leaned up and initiated another kiss, this one slow and sweet, and promising so much more. "Are you sure?" Arthur asked gently, still running his fingers over Merlin's cheek, and the servant smiled, lowering his lashes coyly.
"Arthur, part of the reason I ran so fast from you was because I wanted you so badly," he said softly, not meeting the Prince's eyes. "And I knew that you and Morgana would not be permitted to be together, even if I really was Morgana. And I knew - Arthur," Merlin stopped, unable to put into words all that could have gone wrong in that scenario. Arthur smiled sadly, understanding.
"I have you now though," Arthur said, cupping Merlin's face more firmly in his hand, urging the other man to meet his eyes. Merlin blinked up at him, pupils dilating rapidly, until his eyes were completely black.
"Any way you want me," Merlin said breathlessly, willfully reiterating his words from Tintagel. Arthur smiled ferally, crushing Merlin to his chest as he stood, kissing his servant deeply. Merlin clung to him, hands fisting in Arthur's shirt, one leg hooked around Arthur's hips. It was slightly awkward getting to the bed, but Arthur managed it quickly, throwing aside his heavy coverlet and blankets to lay Merlin on his white sheets. He tore Merlin's clothes from his unresisting body, and finally saw with his eyes what he had imagined in his mind so many times.
Merlin was as pale and beautiful as Arthur had imagined. He dark hair had come loose from its tie, and fanned around his head like the halo of a Byzantine ikon. Long slender limbs sprawled across the sheets, a light flush coloring his upper chest and shoulders. Arthur just looked for a long moment, memorizing the way the fire cast golden light and dancing shadows over the sharp planes of Merlin's form.
"Beautiful," Arthur breathed unconsciously, and Merlin's blush deepened, but he didn't move, didn't speak, just lay there under Arthur's eyes. Arthur grinned, baring his teeth, then finished undressing. He was certain he tore a few ties and closures in the process, he wasn't half so careful or deft as Merlin would have been, but he could have the clothing mended. Other things were more important at the moment.
"I told you at Tintagel I would marry you," he breathed, kneeling between Merlin's spread legs. Merlin shuddered gently, but nodded, eyes still blown with lust. He pulled the silver ring from his forefinger, holding it between them. The light glinted of the little circle of metal, and he saw Merlin take a deep, shocked breath. Merlin shifted on the bed, knelt up to face him, the blue slowly working back into his eyes. Suddenly, Merlin grinned, then twisted and jerked free one of the cords used to hold back the drapes on the bed. Merlin held out his right hand, palm up, the cord ready in his left. Arthur grinned back in understanding. They might not have a priest or any sort of proper ceremony, but they could still do this.
"You come here tonight of your own free will?" Merlin asked huskily, and Arthur grasped Merlin's forearm gently.
"I come here of my own desire, in perfect love and perfect trust," Arthur replied. "To bind and make fast my soul with the one I love in the eyes of the Lord." Awkwardly they wound the cord around their joined forearms.
"In perfect love and perfect trust, I bind and make fast my soul to the one I love in the eyes of the Lord," Merlin echoed, looking deep into Arthur's eyes. "There will be trails and sadness," Merlin continued. "And I will stand through them with you, and we shall bear them together." Arthur smiled.
"There will be joys and gladness," Arthur said. "And I will stand at your side that they shall be doubled," he said.
"Arthur," Merlin said breathlessly. "I take you to be my husband, my Lord and protector, partner and cherished friend, unto the end of time." Arthur felt his own breath hitch in his throat, because he had not quite expected Merlin to word his vow so explicitly.
"Merlin," Arthur replied gently. "I take you as my husband, my companion and guide, lover and honored partner, unto the end of time." Merlin smiled at him, crossing the ends of the cord over their wrists.
"With this cord," he said roughly, and Arthur's voice joined his.
"I join these two in the eyes of the Lord, that their lives and souls may be joined together unto the end of time, in perfect love and perfect trust." Again Arthur held up the ring, and this time, Merlin offered his left hand. The circle of metal, warm from being clasped in Arthur's palm, slid easily down his delicate fourth finger to rest loosely against his knuckle. It was too large, but neither of them was overly concerned with that at the moment. Merlin smiled gently up at Arthur through his lashes, and Arthur jerked their joined hands toward himself, catching Merlin deftly and ravishing his mouth.
"Does this mean now I get to invoke my rights as your husband?" Arthur panted when they parted, and he had Merlin pinned to the bed with his left hand, their right hands still bound and trapped between them. Merlin smiled, a smug, secretive expression, and his eyes were already black with want, legs splayed, cock smearing pre-come across his flat stomach. Arthur leaned back down, attempted to kiss the smug expression off of Merlin, but it didn't really work, just made the bastard more smug, so Arthur remedied that by grinding their hips together, and that made Merlin arch up and bare his elegant throat, moan thickly with desire. Arthur groaned as well, fumbling with his left hand for the oil lamp beside the bed. He snuffed out the flame between his fingers, then cast the wick on the floor, sticking his fingers into the belly of the lamp to slick them.
Merlin whimpered softly as Arthur eased a finger into him, but didn't complain and didn't resist, just shifted a few times to try and get comfortable. Arthur slowly opened Merlin up, taking his time, searching for that secret spot. When he found it, Merlin gasped sharply, melting under him with a low moan of pleasure. He stroked into Merlin with his fingers a few more times, watching his face. Arthur was certain he had never seen anything so beautiful as Merlin's face contorted with pleasure, eyes screwed shut, mouth open wide, gasping, a sheet of sweat shimmering over his pale skin, making him seem to glow in the firelight.
"Please," Merlin said softly, and Arthur nodded, dipping his fingers once more into the extinguished lamp, using the warm oil to slick his erection. Slowly Arthur eased into Merlin, still watching the other man's expressive face. Merlin tensed slightly at the first burn of penetration, but with an expression of concentration, slowly relaxed. Arthur groaned softly, Merlin's tight passage giving way inch by inch, until he was seated to the hilt.
"I will always be with you Arthur," Merlin breathed against his neck. "I will be your rock, your anchor, your sanctuary. I am yours Arthur, in any and every possible way." Arthur groaned again, kissing Merlin's pulse point, not sure what to say to such a declaration. Since he had no words, he responded with actions. He kissed Merlin deeply, rolling his hips and making Merlin whimper wordlessly with desire. Satisfied with that as a start, Arthur began to thrust more insistently, and soon neither of them could even contemplate words.
There was no warning before Merlin came. It was as if the orgasm took him by surprise, as well as Arthur. One moment Arthur was rutting into his new lover, the next Merlin was arching up with a startled gasp, throat bared, eyes rolling up into his head, thick cum splattering in ropes across both their chests. Merlin's already tight body clenched down even further, and Arthur swore loudly, snapping his hips up into Merlin, burying himself as deeply as he could go before he came as well. He held Merlin to his chest even after orgasm passed, breath coming in great heaving gasps.
"I love you," Merlin murmured against his ear, and Arthur shuddered, trying to clutch Merlin closer yet, crawl into his skin with him.
"And I you," Arthur settled for saying, and Merlin smiled, and they curled together and slept.
